As Much as I've Enjoyed the Intermajewskission...

...it's time to get back to making fun of crappy and biased and uncreative sports writing.

The following is a list of the cities and subjects of each of Jon Heyman’s Spring Training Storylines.

lead-in: Boston, sexy new pitcher man

1. New York, Arod blah blah
2. Chicago, $$$$$$$
3. New York, Mariano Rivera, extension?!
4. Chicago, Carlos Zambrano, " " " ?!?!!
5. Boston, literally, "What about Curt Schilling?" What th...? Wha...? Jesus.
6. Boston, New York, Houston, Clemens dicking them around
7. New York, I kid you not, "Will George Steinbrenner...say something funny?" I mean, I guess Heyman's trying to be funny. I'll just put this out there, though: attempted humor and non-bias are not mutually exclusive.
8. San Fran, Bonds, will he behave?
9. Texas, Sosa's comeback
10. Boston, brace yourselves: "Can Manny Ramirez find happiness in Boston?" NO! JESUS F-ING BASTARD NO!!! WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS! HE'S A DAMN CHILD! WHERE'S THE FUCKING STORY THERE?
11. Trade targets, featuring Todd Helton (COULD HE GO TO BOSTON!?!?!), and, inexplicably, Carl Pavano (honestly, does ANYONE give a shit- much less have a reason to give a shit- about Carl "Shittingly Nondescript" Pavano anymore?)

I'm pretty sure this speaks for itself. In addition to the obvious bias, though, I just noticed that Heyman sure seems to be stuck in 2001, what with the preponderance of old, old news (Arod not fitting in, Sosa existing, Clemens jerking everyone around, Manny being a petultan toddler, etc.) and old, old players (ditto). Oh, hey, also Heyman is neglectful of his personal dental hygiene, the jerk!