And the Award for the Most Random Stat Indicative of Mediocrity is...

Goddammit, sadly it appears to have been removed at this point, but I SWEAR that when Austin Kearns' new 3-year contract with the Nationals was first reported...it included the following stat:

[paraphrasing, of course]
"one of only 19 players less than 27 years old who has hit at least 75 home runs."

I mean, WOW. Apparently, that was so golden it had to be retired immediately. Forgetting the sheer randomness for a moment, is that even that special? Nineteen players makes one for each of almost 2/3 of all MLB teams! Dearest me, that's over 6.9 more teams than Mike Morgan played for in his career.

For serious, though, consider:

-A-rod had 298 hr's before turning 27
-Roger Maris hit his 61 hr's the year he turned 27 (in September)
-Junior Griffey hit 60 and Mel Ott hit 86(!) hr's before turning 22

Honestly, where does one even find that stat? I'm serious. I literally just wasted more than two hours looking for it, and the above is the closest I could find.

I DID find out, however, that AK was one of only 22 (twenty two!) players in the NL in the years 2002 and 2005 (combined) who had over 360 total bases. I bet you can't guess where he is arbitrarily ranked among those elite 22.

Not as good? Okay, how about this:

Big breath...DID YOU KNOW...that in the combined years 2002, 2003, and 2005, AK had the second highest OPS among players alphabetically listed by last name between San Diego Randy Keisler and Texas Steve Karsay...beating out Arizona Matt Kata, Philadelphia Matt Kata, and Scott Kazmir but being edged out by..........

....Cincinnati Randy Keisler?!?!?!?

Eat your heart out, Jayson Stark.