Out-of-nowhere Old Journeyman Cincy Sports Heroes = Shit of the Universe: A Text Message Exposition

TURN OFF YOUR GODDAMN CELLPHONES

[elderly journeyman catcher Paul Bako legs out a triple in the Reds 9-2 victory over the stupid Cubs]

Wily Mo Adams: Paul Bako is the new Joe Randa*

Gweedoh: More like the new DeDe Dorsey**

WMA: DeDe Dorsey is the new D. T. Cromer***

G-doh: D. T. Cromer is actually the old new Damon Berryhill****

WMA: Damon Berryhill is the old new revised Satellite Dish That Killed Bo Diaz*****

G-doh: The Satellite Dish was the limited edition of Thurman Munson's poor plane landing skills******

WMA: Said skills were the remake of the Reichstag fire*******

G-doh: Which was basically a reggae cover of St. Augustine's "Confessions"********

WMA: Which, all told, are merely a composite reflection of "Last of Seven," by famed tenor Pat Monahan*********

G-doh: Okay, I can't beat that

WMA: Yeah. We did good here.



YOU MISSED A CALL FROM YOUR MOM



*Out-of-nowhere old journeyman Cincy sports hero nice white guy who no one ever really expected to do well but actually started/is starting out pretty well (Opening Day walk-off 2005 WHAT)

**Out-of-nowhere Cincy sports hero nice guy. Bengals 3rd stringer, rushed 8.7 ypa in 2007 and blocked a kick that he returned for a touchdown because he's awesome like that

***Obscure out-of-nowhere briefly heroic Cincy sports athlete. Mostly an AAAA player, but made an obvious lasting impression with WMA when he hit 5 homeruns in 57 ABs for the Reds in 2001 (Cromer, not WMA)

****Obscure out-of-nowhere super briefly heroic Cincy sports athlete (Damon Berryhill sucked but on July 4th, 1995 hit a pinch-hit 3-run homer to lift the Reds over the Giants)

*****Shitty thing that happened in Cincy sports history. There was Damon Berryhill. Before that there was Bo Diaz getting crushed by a pre-90's satellite dish.

******Shitty thing that happened to a baseball player. Going to hell for this one.

*******Shitty thing that happened to the world. Kind of got the ball rolling for Hitler.

********This doesn't even make any sense.

*********Oppressively shitty thing that happened to all dimensions of the universe.