Sunday, April 1, 2007

Fucking Bold Predictions

Thank Jesus, Opening Day is tomorrow.


(what but no the metscards blah blah blah suck all of the balls that I have )

And so it's high time I get on the prediction bandwagon. Here we go:


Overrated Team of the Year: Diamondbacks


I've read about 43 articles about how the Diamondbacks are the surprise team of the year- I guess because they have about 20 hotshot rookies and a rotation full of washed-up aces and Brandon Webb. So whatever, they might be good.

BUT, the things is, one lesson I've learned from reading this prediction shit for at least a decade now: the team picked to be the surprise team NEVER EVER EVER actually ends up doing that well.

For example: The Brewers have been the surprise team for the past 5 years. Also, the Reds were a "surprise" team pick in 2003 (69-93).

I can't think of any others off the top of my head, but I swear that this is pretty much a law carved in stone. Its converse is also true: the actual "surprise" teams are UNIVERSALLY PREDICTED TO BE SHITTY. For example: the Tigers and Marlins last year, the Indians and White Sox in 2005, the Royals of 2003, the Reds of 1999, etc. Given that,


Surprise Team of the Year: Nationals

In contrast to the D-Bags, the Nats have been labelled by most journalistic outlets as the worst team in the history of baseball, and I'm not entirely sure that's fair. They do at least have a solid young core in Zimmerman, Kearns, Lopez, and Patterson. PLUS, they can count on adding Dunn, Harang, and Griffey midseason in a trade for Jim Bowden's loud fart.


The Suck Team: Cardinals

I really want to think I'm not getting my hopes up, but good lord, the Cardinals have the potential to be utterly awful this year. I already wrote about how converting Braden Looper is a loud Jim Bowden fart waiting to happen. Also, with Edmonds falling apart from years of being an asshole to the Reds, the only bats they have are Pujols and Rolen. Aside from that, they have a slew of preschoolers filling out the rest of their lineup and the worst hitting catcher in the world in Yadier Molina (last out of every single other player last year in VORP). AND their only good starter just got lit up for 5 runs in 6 innings tonight. The suck team.


How the Reds Will Do: Dunno

This is getting stupid. Here's what we have going for us: the Reds are UNIVERSALLY PICKED TO DO SHITTY.

On the other hand; Eric Milton.


Josh Hamilton Prediction:

.254/.332/.900, 10 hr, 51 rbi, 35 shutouts

7 comments:

David said...

Here´s my bold prediction:

Manager with worst substance abuse issues: Tony La Russa

Anonymous said...

Cards = 3rd at best. 6th at worst. (Yes, both Bucs and Reds could win 75 and beat STL's 74.)

Sleeper = Padres. Just enough hitting and some great pitching leads to playoffs and could perhaps steal a series or two.

AL = Blows.

Hamilton = Traded for relief pitcher in July then explodes (1.232 OPS post trade).

Oliver Perez = Streakiest year ever (4 SO, 8 One IP outings). And is not a second round pick like Carlos Lee. How the hell did Lee lead all OF in points last year? Blew my mind.

Anonymous said...

Also, fyi, Eric Milton HAD expectations at one point in his career. Maybe this is the year he magically overcomes his "gopherball tendencies".

http://www.minorleagueball.com/story/2007/3/31/142420/952#commenttop

or not.

David said...

How come everyone is shitting on the Marlins this year? Everyone keeps saying they caught lightning in a bottle last year, but it´s not like they´re a team of old guys who had annomolous great years at the same time. The Marlins have an ass load of talent throughout their whole team. If their bullpen holds up, I think they win more than 80 games this year and challenge for a playoff spot.

Gweedoh said...

Yeah, I agree about the Marlins- and it's kind of ironic, too, b/c everyone seems to be predicting D-backs to be the Marlins of this year: tons of good rookies plus a solid ace (Webb for AZ, Willis for FLA). And the Marlins didn't lose anyone at all either, except their manager. AND now they're a bunch of good young dudes with a year of major league experience, unlike the D-backs rookies.

Anonymous said...

I agree too that the Marlins are a great sleeper. They have a sneaky good line up. They even have guys like Hermida who didn't perform to expectations last year and could break through this year. Though, I think their fate relys on guys like Olson and Johnson. If they pitch well the Marlins can certainly compete in the East.

Pedro Gomez picks the Reds to take the Central. Haha, now the Reds are suckier than they were yesterday.

Also, the Diamond Mind projections from ESPN have the Mets at 82 - 80 and in third place. What gives there? Do they lose 10 projected wins by going from Pedro to Oliver/Pelfrey? The Mets could use Hermanson's 35 SOs.

David said...

I mean, I´m biased, but the Mets have WAY too much offense to only win 82 games. I think they´re the kind of team that does really well in the regular season no matter what and then loses in the playoffs because of lack of pitching. Here´s hoping Mike Pelfrey = Doc Gooden - coke. Or alternatively: Scott Kazmir - trade.