Breaking News: Jason LaRue's Idea of Home is a Deformed Deer About to Tangle Itself in a Barbed Wire Fence

So there's this CelebraDoodle thing that just went on in Cincinnati where local celebs draw crappy pictures and they auction them off for charity. This particular auction benefited Habitat for Humanity, so celebs were asked to make doodles of "their idea of home."

For some reason, ex-Red and always-hunter Jason LaRue was asked to participate. Most people drew, you know, houses. Turns out Aaron Harang and Adam Dunn are both halfway decent doodlers.

But not Jason LaRue. He drew...this:

First of all, if you're wondering why the deer actually looks pretty good, look closer and you can tell it's totally a stencil. NICE TRY JASON. You always were good at deceiving us into thinking you were good. I mean, he didn't even bother drawing in a face. Or the rifle he is aiming at it.

Second of all, I like the prickly pear cacti, but why do some of them have penises? Definitely little stubby flaccid penises and not flowers. Is that what you think about when you're shooting at trapped animals? Weird, man. Very weird.

Third of all, I changed my mind about the fence- it's actually an *electric* barbed-wire fence. Between that, the cacti, and the inability to see the fence, smell LaRue's hunt-sweat, or breathe, that deer is fucked.

Home sweet home.

The Mitchell Report: A Text Message Drama

~ Scene One: Exposition ~

Wily Mo Adams: Early word is Clemens is in the report

Gweedoh: I know its kind of sick but I'm really excited to see who all is named

WMA: Yeah, same here. I'm expecting peripheral Reds...Stynes, Hammonds?

G-doh: Wily Mo!! most likely

WMA: [Reds equipment manager] Bernie Stowe? MR. REDLEGS??

G-doh: BLESSID UNION OF SOULS WERE THE DISTRIBUTORS

~ Scene 2: Rising Action ~

WMA: They're saying several prominent Yankees

G-doh: Oh god please let Jeter be one of them

WMA: And Scott Brosius

G-doh: Scott Bakula

WMA: ...and Jim Leyritz

WMA: The cast of Sliders

~ Scene 3: Intermission (not a scene) ~

[preface: Wily Mo Adams is a Blue Jays fan]

WMA: OH MY GOD THE BLUE JAYS SIGNED ECKSTEIN I'M GOING TO VOMIT

~Scene 4: Climax ~

G-doh: Not Hal Morris!

WMA: Seriously?? I'm watching the boring press conference

G-doh: JOSIAS MANZANILLO

WMA: Maybe Denny Neagle used them to improve his performance with prostitutes

~ Scene 5: Epilogue ~

WMA: Pat Monahan got busted for use of Human Waste Hormone