Kyle Lohse Sent to the Phillies for LHP Maloney: A Text Message Exchange

- HUSH -

Wily Mo Adams: Lohse traded to the Phillies for prospects

Gweedoh: More like, prospect

WMA: More like, [fart noise]

~ CARRY ON ~

Craig Biggio's Retirement: A Text Message Exchange

CURTAIN RISES

Wily Mo Adams: Craig Biggio is retiring at season's end...thank God

Gweedoh: Thank all the gods...the Superfluous Pine Tar industry must be reeling

WMA: I wonder if he wears all his street clothes as dumbly oversized as his helmet

G-doh: I wonder if in his new office job he wins undeserved Platinum Pen awards just 'cause he's good at copying

WMA: Maybe he and Jeff Bagwell can go into business together... as dead people. That I killed.

G-doh: Then they would be the "Killed B's"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[drumdrum! cymbal!]

~LA FIN~

Sports Break: Adventures in Personal Assistance

[continuing the theme of pawning off my regular posting duties, this is, again, courtesy of Wily Mo Adams via email- completely non-sports related, but entertaining nonetheless...]

So my boss had to be at a photo shoot today--I think it's something to do with Jell-O--and decided it would be right to give me the keyfob to her 9,000-pound, GPS-equipped Nissan Murano (weight figure est.). This way,while she schmoozed an art buyer, I could make stops at the gas station("only PREMIUM gas"), car wash, hardware store and local women's shelter. She forgot to give me directions to the shelter, however; a blessing, really, as this prevented me from backing over any wayward, clothes-seeking ladies in the manner that I, at the car wash, reversed right over a cart, tip-box and ragbag. Thankfully, Holly's SUV is made--I think--of the same material Richard Branson uses on his spacemobile, so there were no scratches. Still.

Also, the hardware store was out of the fluorescent bulbs I was sent to purchase. Awesome.

I should probably ingest something other than espresso and nicotine. In the meantime, I'm going to fend off a heart attack.

Adventures in Eulogary Hyperbole...

[from like a week ago, via email from Wily Mo Adams. He's lazy so I'm belatedly posting this for him]

Apparently one of the dudes who really pushed NASCAR into the mainstream died today. I'm watching ESPNews, and some bigwig from the circuit just literally said,

...."I mean, it's kinda like losing a former President of the United States."

It's not SO bad if you replace "former" with "current," but still.